Question for Scott Morrison: Long Retreat

 August 4, 2007

Dear Scott, 

I’ve been busy the past few weeks looking for a house that I’d planned to buy and live in with my girlfriend. But it all fell apart last weekend when I decided that the house was just one more thing that wouldn’t make me happy and I’d have to put off a long retreat even further.  

My girlfriend is hurt and angry. She wants to get married next summer and instead I may be leaving for good. I feel like I hurt her by continuing to stay with her in this “half-in-half-out” state and will hurt her by going.  

You say that the time to wake up is now. That seems to be right, but while I am moved by your teaching and others, I have not woken up. 

How do I decide what to do?

I don't mean for this to sound harsh, but it's essential for you to realize that you haven't woken up because you haven't really wanted to.

It hasn't been enough of a priority. You have to want it more than anything else, and up until now, that hasn't really been the case.

Now, however, you may be at a turning point.

You imagine you aren't awake because you have woven a web of self-deceptive and contradictory patterns and desires that have ended up being quite painful.

So now that pain is in your face, and it seems too difficult to look at. Yet the fact that it is unavoidable could very well be your salvation, your awakening bell if you are willing to allow it to be so.

Furthermore, it's not a matter of getting from 'here' to 'over there, where I want to be in the future.'

There is no journey. 

It's not helpful to continue imagining that a path of awakening is anything but present thought, memory, and fantasy.

Do you want to be awake and free right now?
Do you want to be fully alive and intimate with all that is here, now?

Is that more important to you than anything else? 

That's the only real question. The rest is all planning and speculation, a defense, a way of avoiding and trying to escape from what is. I'm not at all suggesting that a silent retreat in a secluded, natural environment might not be helpful. 

But what is essential is that you find out who and what you are this very instant.

Again, the key question is, are you ready? 
Are you unconditionally ready for what is? 

What is, in nature?
What is in the city?

What is, in a particular relationship?
What is, in no particular relationship?

What is, in spiritual practice?
What is it in the absence of spiritual practice?

It's entirely up to you.

Scott Morris teachings