The Zen of Alice in Wonderland

Caterpillar: Who… are… you? 
Alice: Why, I hardly know, sir. 
I’ve changed so much since this morning, you see. 

Caterpillar: No, I do not C, explain yourself. 
Alice: I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, you see, because I’m not myself, you know.
Caterpillar: I do not know.
Alice: I can’t put it any more clearly, sir, because it isn’t clear to me.

Who Am I?

At ten years old, I regularly sat cross-legged in the woods, closed my eyes, and asked myself, "Who am I?" About my classmates, too, I asked: "Who are they?" I am still determining where I got the idea.

When 'seeking' myself, my body 'dropped off,' and 'I' rose into my head. When looking at a friend, mentally erasing what I 'knew,' their faces changed. They didn't morph. It was like a changing perception of an optical illusion.

Two Faces or a Vase?

I stopped doing this when I had a terrifying feeling of disappearing.

Search for Self

In my adulthood, I restarted my quest for Self. Here's what I've discovered.

There is no stable, unchanging 'me.’  Who “I am” seems coherent because of a mental monologue; repeated, edited, censored, interpreted and embellished. At any time, this picture in the mind is simply a screenshot of one point in life. From these images I can choose any set to define myself, depending on my mood and purpose.  

I'm a projector with different sets of slides at my disposal. 

Complicating things further, my interpretation of my various slide shows is subjective. The bottom line is that I do not have an unchanging identity. I am more of a process than a thing.

I Seem to Be a Verb

Buckminster Fuller wrote;

“I live on Earth at present, and I don’t know what I am. I know that I am not a category. I am not a thing—a noun. I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process—an integral function of the universe.”

Rather than "I am," it seems we "are amming." So, what of all this foolish talk?

Go Ask Alice

The first bottle Alice encounters in Wonderland says, "Drink me." No description - not 'what it is'; an action - what Alice 'should do.' We, too, can actualize our 'ammingness.' 

Actualizing Ammingness

Basically:

• Quiet the mind. 
• Drop assumptions. 
• Let go of the past
• Fall in and give birth to every moment anew.   

To the extent we do this, we can call our action Enlightened.

"Nothing in a caterpillar
tells you it's going to be a butterfly."   

Buckminster Fuller.

Alice Meets the Caterpillar